Some " Craic and Codology " from The Phoenix.

From: The Minster for the Arts, Sport and Tourism.

To: The Taoiseach’s .

Dear Taoiseach,

Just a quick note on arrangements for the nude portraits. Don’t worry there is absolutely no danger of them falling into the wrong hands. As soon as the garda investigation is complete, the pictures will handed over to personnel from my department who have many years of experience in transporting priceless works of art. They will be taken under Army escort to a secret location, late at night, and destroyed in the presence of two independent clergymen.

I can also assure you that increased security is now in place in all the main galleries to prevent a recurrence of this regrettable   episode. In fact, we had a brief emergency at the National gallery, only yesterday after receiving reports that a nude portrait with your likeness had been found in the Italian Room. Luckily it was a false alarm. On inspection, the offending figure turned out to be a cherub in Botticelli’s masterpiece, the Madonna and Child. But staff remain on high alert.

Yours faithfully

Martin